i wake up this morning from a night's sleep which i never slept. a ton load of work to study and i don't have a plan. general pathology or systemic???? damn... why the heck did i have to choose?? i call with an intention of setting things right.. damn, i had to lose my temper.. push aniruddh, push aniruddh.... see what happens... And then the words i never wanted to hear for a long time to come "its off"..i don't remember what the exact words were, but it was more or less the same.. thoughts::::
shit!!! its actually over.. i don't beleive this... make sure what u heard was right.. Damn this is it... Do something!!! Do something!!!:::::


"I'm sorry and i really mean it... do u know what u've just done???
is there no way u're going to go back on what u said??? How could this happen to me??? Ok, i don't think i want to talk to u anymore...bye"

Call back

"are u really sure??? go back atleast for my sake.... I love u!! i always will... bye"

thoughts::::
dude, u have a truck load of stuff to study... put yoursef together... Start with 'renals'...
'immunologic mechanism of glomerular damage'... I didn't ask for this... what did i do wrong??? I have given it so much... 1.local immune complex deposits... i love her... mainly due to bacterial,viral immune complex deposits not of glomerular origin... i have to go shower,that'll make me feel better.

phone call
"i didn't think this would happen.. i didn't know u guys were going through a rough patch.. i don't know what to say.. chill,just let things settle down a bit and the u talk to her today.. i think i will.. be as if nothing's happened,u'll feel better.. thanks man.. take care.. bye"

thoughts::::
this feels so good..why?? why?? why??.. Soap..i feel like running away.. wats the point??stay here for ten mins and u'll be alright.. i didn't deserve this..shut up and get clean

God is something that i have never understood... i remember when i was a kid, every saturday i used to have an oil bath.. rather my granny used to give me one... after the bath there was this whole ritual of reciting prayers and being all holy and all... never understood any of it... Frankly,i've forgotten most of those prayers...When i visit a temple(which is rare) i have no clue what to do ther... people ring bells and chant i don't know what and try and feel all religious and devoted... no one really seems to know what or who god is?? surprisingly the elders in my family have a ritualistic approach to god and don't know why they do certain things...
Prayer and god is one way a person can acheive peace with one's self... It doesn't necessarily have to be instituted in a child... When children are told to do something, they do it without putting forth any questions as to why they are being made to do something... We realise the whole aspect of mental peace and being stress free only once we've reached a certain age...Like now... i question the presence of god...
Its all in the mind... if someone wants to do something, and he applies his mind to it, he will succeed... i think that anything that gives a person satisfaction,happiness and can take away any form of misery is god... i love music... a great song can really put me in another world... music gets me through the tough times and makes me happy... music is my god... i don't condemn the fact that people spend a lot of time praying... it doesn't make sense to me..

I was off on my trip.


"The wind on my face feels amazing!!!" I was saying to my friend riding pillion.The raw power on my BMW gives me such a high, its better than a binge session at ani's place.
We were heading to mumbai on the expressway.I had a black leather jacket tightly zipped on, a pair of ray-bans and 'Armani' designed pants bought off a store at london.My friend insisted on me wearing a helmet, but he had it on eventually.
"This road is awesome dude... Can't believe i haven't been on it all these years...We can reach mumbai in about an hour da, macha... This is so cool". The only thing Kushagra didn't know was, this was going to be the ride of his life(Kushagra is the guy behind me... just in case). My hand gripped the throttle at maximum...we went past cars at top speed...I felt like the king of the world and then, my eyes started to water even with my shades on... The minute particles of dust reaching the depths of my eye...everything was beginning to look hazy and through the corner of my eye,i saw a tiny object come straight up in the middle of the road... My first reaction was to hit the brakes... crap!!! too late.. The next thing i know, someone was calling my name out loud... MAURYA!MAURYA!

I wake up and find myself in class
Well, dreaming is the first step toward success..

He walks into the room, his hands behind his back with an air of importance surrounding his gait.... he looks up to find the room empty with no activity....The serenading silence sets his body into a trance... His hands no longer by his side,brimming with energy, pick up his brush and move like as if being possessed... The soft strokes of an artist at his best...He walks over to the window after his master piece is complete and takes a breath of the fresh cold morning... then he slams the window shut,sets down his brush and walks into the corridor to collect his due for the master piece... A sad soiled 10 rupee note to see him through that morning's breakfast...

I watched as a man walked out of the building where i study and saw him smiling to himself... He was the sweeper